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In a statement that shocked the few students in the Michener Lounge around to hear it, ASU President Jon Cottreau and fiancée Vice President Student Affairs Caitlin Regan have announced that their engagement is “officially off.” It’s the concern that plagued the February ASU General Election: that two of the five Executives, the only elected two, would become embattled in a bitter dispute that would end their relationship both in and outside of the Union. Now, that fear has turned into reality, and the couple says their prime-time counterparts are to blame. “I’m so sick of people asking me if I’m going to have 8 kids. Are you going to have 8 kids? What kind of a question is that anyway? And he (Cottreau) would always just laugh and wink. I couldn’t stand it anymore,” said Regan when asked the reason for the split. Cottreau, on the other hand, cited this reason: “She’s, well, a bit controlling. I never felt like I could be myself, or say what I wanted, or go sleep around. It was ridiculous, all the limits she put on me. And the nagging!” Sources say that the two have shifted office hours so that they’re never in the building at the same time, which has made Executive meetings next to impossible, says one source who asked not to be named. “We’re in charge of running the administration of the Union, so the fact that the two of them won’t even sit in the same room is ruining everything. She just screams, and he is out with a different girl every night. It’s like a real-live soap opera in here! Someone should make a reality TV show out of this mess. Wait, you’re not going to tell her I said that, are you?” “Honestly, if we had just watched the show more, we might have seen this coming. Why didn’t I pay more attention to TLC?” Regan lamented during a phone interview. Cottreau maintains that he “...still wears the pants,” but only time will tell. The two refused further interviews but this reporter will make sure find out all the dirty details in the weeks to come. And to all the students of Acadia, this may be a lesson to base you vote choices on the valuable life lessons reality TV can teach us all.
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